Prologue: PART 1
Daddy Issues and The Milk & Money Mamma
On the Beltane winds, I come to you, half-bared, half-burning.
The old skin slipping from my body.
The new crown humming on my head.
Wild, dripping, and covered in the ashes of rebirth.
For the last 10 months, I’ve been sitting in ceremony, future-casting with the 10x version of me - that Force of Nature Creatrix who has the impact, income, and lifestyle she knew was possible all along.
I foolishly thought that once I hired my future Mama self as the Chief Executive Oracle of my business, everything would get softer.
That I’d settle into a dreamy flowy trad-wife sourdough-making nap-dress era in my work.
That I’d tone it down.
Make my brand sweeter. Simpler. Safer.
I was wrong.
Since August 2024, I’ve been in intimate ceremony with the soul of my business.
Asking, praying, grieving, stripping
down layer by layer:
What the fuck am I doing anymore
in my business?
And what needs to shift
in order for me to step
into the mother AND leader
I came here to be?
Even though I have an ongoing breathwork certification program with students I ADORE, consistent soulmate clients, and a solid community — something has felt OFF.
There’s a very good reason I haven’t launched a group program since the Fall.
Why I haven't scaled my certification program (the obvious DUH just do that choice)
& why I closed my online breathwork community (The Liberation Collective) even though it was bringing in consistent passive income.
Because here’s the truth
I didn’t want to admit for a long time…
I’ve spent my entire life waiting
to be rescued by the masculine.
First, it was my Dad, who battled a crack-cocaine addiction my whole childhood. He couldn’t be there for me because he had to learn how to be there for himself first.
Next, it was a secret forbidden 26-year-old Broadway lover/abuser who I thought at 14 would be my ticket outta small down Pennsylvania.
Then it was a 15-year relationship and marriage with my college sweetheart, where his family's money became my security blanket. As much as I cringe to say it, I never felt the need to go ALL in on my business because I never felt like I had to.
And now…I’ve met the love of my life. A man who holds and provides for me in all the ways I’ve ever dreamed — except financially.
So today I stand before you in this holy reckoning with the truth I’ve been running from my whole life…
No one is coming to build the vision
I can see in my dreams.
No one else is gonna birth what
I’m here to birth into the world.
It’s gotta be ME.
FUCK.
FUCK FUCKITY FUCK!
FUCK. I don’t want to do this alone.
FUCK. Can’t someone else do it for me?
FUCK. This is exactly what my soul signed up for, isn’t it!?
UGH - she understood the assignment!
Running away from my soul’s calling now wouldn’t just be an act of self-abandonment…
It would continue the cycle of waiting for the knight in shining armor rather than realizing I am the knight and I am the damn armor.
I can see now why the Universe delayed my journey to motherhood
— put an ocean between me and my lover
— and sent me back to live with my Mamma these last 5 months.
So I could go back in the womb and complete the rebirth mission I started over a year ago.
The one I began in the aftermath of my divorce, but got sidetracked through the delicious disorientation of love.
Because the future I crave — the barefoot, ocean-jungle milk and money mamma needs a business with a mission that’s so worthwhile, so dripping in devotional service, with so much time flexibility that doesn’t just cover the bills, but truly PROVIDES.
A business with more masculine structure, systems, support, and HOLDING for my creative flow.
Which meant I had to face the real fears directly linked to my Daddy Issues around receiving from the masculine.
The fear of embracing systems, structure, and automation in my business.
The fear of trusting others to hold me.
The fear of asking and receiving more reciprocity for my work.
The fear of needing to control every aspect of my business.
The fear that if I go ALL IN, I’ll burn out and have no capacity for motherhood.
This has been my inner work these last 10 months. Face-to-face with the fear that my dreams would be impossible…
Impossible, unless I remembered the truth…
That none of this is how it was ever meant to be.
Mothers were never meant to give birth alone.
And neither are our businesses.
But you already know that babe.
We ALL know the “it takes a village” spiel.
But…
If you’re reading this, I know you know deep down…
You don’t just need the midwives in the room as you’re crowning to birth your business baby.
You need something far more seductive.
Far more, dare I say…dominant.
Something that doesn’t just provide for you…
But insists on your full devotion and deepest lustful surrender
And let me tell you, once THIS force is at the head of your business…
You will never go back to business as usual ever again.
Stick around my love…things are about to take a salacious turn.